The Plunge

February 18, 2007

This blog is so new and I’m already neglecting it. Sorry, Blog.

Twin Bro is doing wonderfully; he’s home now, taking it easy and nursing some broken bones, but is otherwise back to normal. I think I’m starting to get past the trauma of what happened, but I think it’ll be with me, always. Anyway, TBG told me that, as soon as Twin Bro is completely recovered from the accident, they’re going to try for a baby! Wow! It’s so weird, the thought of them becoming parents, and as thrilled for them (and myself! I’ll be an aunt!) as I am, I can’t help but also feel a little envious. Ex-Hubby and I almost had a baby, once, and I’ve felt an emptiness inside ever since we lost it. Her.

OK, let’s move on to cheerier topics, shall we?

Valentine’s Day was fantastic. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, since Crush and I have just officially gotten together, but I shouldn’t have wasted so much energy worrying. He surprised me that afternoon with a bouquet of wildflowers and reservations for dinner at the new Thai place that just opened up. Afterward, we went back to his apartment and had lots and lots of sex for dessert. A gorgeous man, great food, awesome sex: what better way to spend Valentine’s Day?

Tonight, he and I are meeting up with Doctor Boy and Doctor Girl for dinner and a movie. It’s weird how quickly Crush and I stepped into official couple-dom. Maybe it’s because of the unique situation — us already knowing each other so well and sharing all the same friends, and the fact that we’ve been seeing each other almost daily for the last eight months, anyway. It just feels so natural to be with him this way, although I suppose I ought to clarify where things stand with us so as to avoid any future troubles. I mean, what if he’s just biding his time and getting laid until the love of his life comes along, while I’m over here falling in love and fantasizing about weddings and babies? Because I am, and have been almost since the moment we met back in the summer. I think I’m entering dangerous territory here. My God.

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Posted by Jaelie

Another Day

February 7, 2007

Twin Bro continues to improve. I, on the other hand, can’t get past the fact that I almost lost him.

The hysterical phone call from my mom keeps running, on a loop, through my head, as does the image of my brother, comatose, in the ICU. I’ve started having nightmares and it takes very little to make me cry. I keep thinking about how easily it could’ve gone the other way, that I could be here, today, without him. Without my twin.

Crush has been a wonderful, if surprising support. He’s listened to me babble on, ad nauseum, about what I’m feeling and has gone out of his way to try and cheer me up.

I know this’ll pass, eventually. After all, my brother’s OK… I haven’t lost him. But I came so close — and I can’t seem to get over it.

1 Comment | Crush, Family & Friends, Life | Permalink
Posted by Jaelie

Best of Times, Worst of Times

February 4, 2007

Wow, so much has happened — where to begin?

Crush and I had sex. Mind-blowing, miraculous sex. Multi-orgasmic sex. It started Wednesday evening, when he drove me home from Twin Bro’s place (I was a little tipsy, so I left my car at my brother’s place overnight). We got to my house and I asked if he wanted to come in for coffee; he said yes. We proceeded to spend the WHOLE night talking, and found out how much we have in common, and how similar we really are. It was… indescribably amazing.

Eventually, somewhere toward morning, he kissed me — and one thing lead to another. I would LOVE to go into every intimate detail here, but it would probably be horribly inappropriate… 😉 Suffice it to say, it was the best sex of my life (which is saying a lot) and even better than all my fantasies of him combined.

Anyway, he had the next day (Thursday) off, so he stayed the night; in the morning, he made me an omelet. And he cooked it shirtless, which only made it taste that much better…

We decided to spend the day together and made plans to go to a movie. Unfortunately, we never made it.

I got a phone call from my mom, who was so hysterical I could barely make out what she was saying. Finally, I got it: Twin Bro had been in a car accident. He’d been running some errands on his lunch-hour and skidded on black ice; his car flipped and landed upside-down. He’d had on his seatbelt and the car — an unmarked police car — was built extra tough, but he was still hurt badly.

My worst nightmare has always been that something will happen to my twin brother. I can’t fathom being here without him. It’s just. not. an. option.

Crush drove us both to the hospital, where we found our friends and my family milling about, looking distraught. My dad told me that Twin Bro was unconscious, and suffering from a head wound sustained when he hit his head on the driver’s side window — they were running tests to see what was going on. I’ll spare you the medical jargon, because I don’t understand most of it myself, but my brother appeared to be in bad shape.

When they let me into see him, he was on a ventilator. I completely fell apart.

The tests came back inconclusive, which only scared us all more. For the next few days, we all kept vigil at the ICU. The doctors continued to run tests, and they showed that he was suffering from a “cerebral edema,” which is the fancy way of saying that there was some swelling of the brain. The only thing that kept us going (but barely) was that the doctors saw significant brain activity and Twin Bro passed all their neurological tests. And, finally, yesterday morning, he slowly began to wake up — and, after another exam, the doctors told us that he’s expected to make a full recovery!

Truly, there are no words for what I’m feeling. I came thisclose to losing the most important person in my life: my twin. And now I have him back.

I haven’t eaten or slept for days. I swear I’ve lost ten pounds — is that possible?

Crush has informed me that, as soon as Twin Bro is out of the hospital and things start getting back to normal, he’s going to take me on a “proper” date. I can’t wait.

🙂

Back to the hospital. I only stopped home to shower, change, type up a blog entry, and grab the first real meal I’ve had since Thursday morning’s omelet.

(Oh, I forgot to mention: This morning, Twin Bro asked if he’d missed the Super Bowl!)

1 Comment | Crush, Family & Friends, Life | Permalink
Posted by Jaelie

Awesome Day, Part Two

January 31, 2007

OK, so I had to run before finishing the post on why today was so utterly great. I’m currently on my laptop at my brother’s place (Twin Bro, that is), having had dinner with TBG and BBG, both of whom are presently engrossed in something on television, so I thought now would be a good time to type up part two.

Anyway, the other reason today rocked (as if this morning’s encounter with Crush isn’t enough) is that I received an enormous compliment from a photographer friend that I’ve worshiped for years. He called this afternoon to tell me that he’d just been asked to do an important job for a high-profile client, but was already booked that day. The client asked if my friend could recommend another photographer whose work was of a comparable caliber, and my friend gave him my name! This is a huge, huge deal, because the quality of my work will, of course, reflect back on my friend — which means that his faith in me must be pretty damn strong.

It made my day year.

Uh-oh! Twin Bro just got home and Crush is with him! Wish me luck!

1 Comment | Career, Crush, Family & Friends | Permalink
Posted by Jaelie

Awesome Day, Part One

January 30, 2007

Today was so ridiculously awesome that I want to get a shirt printed that says, “I HAD THE AWESOMEST DAY EVER!” on the front, and then, on the back, it’ll have the date.

This morning, after (purposely) waking up at 4:30am, I got up, took a hot shower, and went out to do some early-light shooting on the beach. Not for work, just for myself, because it had been awhile since I’d found the gumption to do it. It’s been so damn cold, especially before sunrise, and my bed is so, so warm. It was worth it, though, because I came home with some beautiful shots.

Afterward, I decided to reward myself with some hot coffee and breakfast at a local diner that we all frequent on a pretty much daily basis called Jane’s Joe (presumably for the coffee, since her husband’s name is Andrew). I sat down at a table near the window, ordered, and then pulled out my laptop and started writing an email when who should come in, looking like a turquoise dream in his scrubs, but Crush.

He saw me right away, smiled, and then told me he’d be right back after he ordered some coffee — to go — at the counter. I closed my laptop and prayed silently that I could finally spend some quality time with Crush (one step forward) without my bitchy protective shell becoming automatically engaged (two steps back).

When he came back and sat down, I thanked him for staying with me the other night and (and, and, and!) he told me that he’d always fantasized about us sleeping together, but in his fantasy I was sober and we weren’t really sleeping. I almost knocked my laptop off the table. (Not really, but I was that flustered inside. Thankfully, I’m the master of playing it cool; after all, I do have to maintain at least some of my feminine mystique!) He was probably joking, but even the idea that Crush might be fantasizing about me in any way is enough to get me high for days (as I’ve just learned).

He had to leave a little while later later for work, which was probably just as well. Baby steps, right?

More later, on why this day rocked so hard… I’ve got dinner plans with friends.

1 Comment | Crush, Life | Permalink
Posted by Jaelie

Classism Schism

January 28, 2007

The town I live in is unique in that it’s a paradox in almost every way: it manages to be both quaint and cosmopolitan, with a small-town feel and big-city flavor; and, though it’s decidedly self-contained, there’s easy access to some of the greatest metropolitan areas on earth, most just a relatively short drive, ferry ride, or even a brief plane trip, away. The majority of its residents are in medicine, law, the Arts, politics or family businesses that have been passed down for generations; people who either were born here or arrived seeking respite from former lives in a place they knew would offer them the same culture and vibrancy they were leaving behind, but without the competitive, stressful atmosphere. I love it here, and though I’ve traveled extensively and have seen, firsthand, paradise in all of its various forms, I always come home because home really is where the heart is. At least for me.

Of course, as with everything, there’s a flip-side. There is some degree of high-level corruption (although, that’s true for almost anywhere these days), and too many of the town’s big decisions are made, indirectly, by those with the deepest pockets — which leaves out a large portion of the poor and working-class (which, nowadays, also consists of the former middle-class), both of whom are somewhat underrepresented in our town.

My brothers and I are somewhat familiar with both ends of the economic spectrum, having a father who grew up poor and who’s never quite acclimated to the wealth into which he married, and a mother who has never wanted for anything. All our life, our dad reminded us that we weren’t rich kids with a poor father, but poor kids with a rich mother. Perhaps that’s overstating the case, but it did the job. We managed to stay grounded, and we never took our family’s financial status for granted. And, though Big Bro has chosen to work alongside our mom, Twin Bro and I took entirely different routes: me as a photographer and freelance writer, and Twin Bro as a police detective and musician. (Unfortunately, I sometimes suspect that this, alone, is the reason our father favors us over Big Bro: because he sees Big Bro’s decision to work in the family business as a class choice — which is utterly ridiculous, of course, since Big Bro would give a stranger not only the shirt off his back, but every last stitch of clothing, too! My father, though I adore him most of the time, is far from perfect and harbors a sort of reverse elitism toward those with money. How he and my mom have built such a harmonious marriage for so long is well beyond the reaches of my understanding, though I’m glad for it.)

In any case, the reason I’ve made this the topic of a blog entry today, is that my friend Doctor Girl called me from the hospital this afternoon to vent about a “privileged” patient of hers who refused to be admitted to a double-occupancy room because he felt that his economic status entitled him to a private one (in spite of there not being any available at the time), and threatened all sorts of trouble if he wasn’t granted his “request.” It made us both sick, and the issue of classism has been on my mind ever since.

1 Comment | Life, Profundity | Permalink
Posted by Jaelie

Little Lush!

January 27, 2007

Last night was interesting…

A few months ago, a client gave me some expensive wine as a gift. I love good wine, so this was much appreciated. I’d planned to keep it for a special occasion, but ended up opening it last night when my girlfriends and I were hanging out at my place watching a Harry Potter marathon on DVD. (I know, I know.)

The bottle emptied fairly fast, so we opened another… and another… and another. By the time we’d finished, we were all suffering from alcohol-induced psychosis. We sat there tittering like idiots, making wildly inappropriate comments about Daniel Radcliffe, and guffawing like jackasses over everything from Simon Cowell’s “bush-baby” comment, to the normally unfunny price of gas (which, somehow, became a conversation on the free cost of fart-produced methane).

Eventually, somewhere around 1am, Twin Bro, Doctor Boy and Crush showed up (having spent the evening at Big Bro’s house playing video games). I remember this clearly because Crush was wearing worn jeans and a blue t-shirt that looked SO freaking good on him, it made me swoon — or maybe that was the alcohol?

At some point, probably after the swooning, I got sick and ran to the bathroom to vomit, as all good drunks will. When I came back out, it appeared that everyone had left, except Crush, who explained that Twin Bro and Doctor Boy had taken the others home, and that he’d offered to stay behind and make sure I got to bed safely. Yippee!

Of course, I was too drunk to tell him how delighted I was, and even if I’d been sober, I probably would’ve picked a fight. (See my Character page for an explanation.) Crush got me to settle on the couch and so I did… which is the last thing I remember.

Cut to this afternoon. I woke up a couple of hours ago, completely hungover, and found a note taped to my forehead. This is what it said:

Hello, Little Lush:
If you’re reading this, it means you’ve survived the night. Congratulations! Just kidding. I stayed with you while you slept to make sure that you didn’t drown in your own vomit. (You didn’t. Way to go!) Anyway, I have rounds at the hospital this morning, so, alas, you and your raging hangover are on your own from this point. Hope it isn’t too bad, but I’m sure it will be. If you need anything, have me paged. -[Crush]

Try and imagine a very hungover woman attempting to do a Happy Dance. That was me after reading the above and right before making a beeline for the bathroom. (Never try Happy Dancing when you’ve recently drunk enough wine to qualify as a human vineyard.)

So, the question is: did Crush stay with me because he’s a doctor and he felt obligated? Or did he stay because, in spite of how horribly bitchy I can be to him, he still digs me? Must. go. call. friends.

1 Comment | Crush, Family & Friends | Permalink
Posted by Jaelie

Friday Blahs

January 26, 2007

It’s 2:43pm and I haven’t done anything of particular use yet because I feel utterly drained, for some reason. In my career as a photographer, weekdays bleed seamlessly into weekends, and work and play are often synonymous, so the fact that it’s Friday doesn’t really mean much for me. No opportunity to blame my malaise on end-of-the-week syndrome, I guess.

Last night, I ran into Ex-Hubby when I went over to Best Friend’s place to talk to him about something. As is typical these days, Ex-Hubby was in full-tilt Adorable Mode, and I almost succumbed, but ultimately managed to resist thanks to my patented Ex-Hubby Forcefieldâ„¢. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us if I gave in to his considerable charms, since I’m so unsure about what it is I want these days. I love Ex-Hubby, and he was incredibly good to me… but I also like the freedom I have right now, and, of course, there’s the issue of Crush.

Well, I suppose I ought to go try and do something at least marginally productive, lest I sprout fur and commence the process of actually becoming a sloth.

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Posted by Jaelie

Is This Thing On?

January 26, 2007

Hello? Anyone out there?

I’m Jaelie: 30, newly(ish) single(ish), living in a small, affluent town near the ocean in the Northeastern United States. For a living, I do something I love and am passionate about (photography, and some freelance writing), which allows me to work from home and provides me with extraordinary opportunities, as well as the chance to have a life beyond that of just “work.”

I’m starting this blog because, well, just because. I love to write, and need an outlet. Simple as that.

If you’re interested, you can read more about me, or get acquainted with the people I’ll be mentioning on a regular basis. It’s up to you. I’ll try to blog often, and I hope you’ll come back.

2 Comments | Miscellaneous | Permalink
Posted by Jaelie